guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
