i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
