I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
His hands were made for my vagina.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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