Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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