omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
