He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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