We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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