I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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