I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
