I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
