Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
