So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
