Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think I died a long time ago.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
