I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
