Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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