yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
