did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
