Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
