God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
