I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
