you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
