my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
