After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
