so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
