She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
