This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
