This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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