You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
