Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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