why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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