If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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