I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
