I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
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