she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
