Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
