We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
