I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
