Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
is it fun? or sober?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
