what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
