I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
