It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
