I hope mine doesn't look like that
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
