i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
this just has baby written all over it
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You ruined the universe
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
