im drinking this country out of the recession.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
