You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
