Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
