i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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