I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
