Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
