I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
