why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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