Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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