maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
