At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
